Title: Hold Me Down
Author: Alisia
Genre: Angst
Rating:PG
Pairings?: BellDom
Disclaimer: Don't know. Don't own. Never Happened. Song owned by Motion City Soundtrack.
Author's Notes: Angst Angst Angst and more Angst. Song fic. One Off.

______________

Matt stumbled out of his bed, the sunlight pouring in from behind the thin white drapery making his eyes water. This morning seemed particularly cold, though it was a perfect summer day. It had taken him a few moments to realize the usually occupied space next to him on the bed, was now empty. He noticed the room had been cleared of the clutter from last night, even the carpets had Hoover tracks imprinted in them. His blue eyes scanned the room slowly, stopping abruptly at a white, neatly folded piece of paper on the desk in the far corner of the room. Dom never left notesever.

I found a letter that said
Im sorry that you were asleep when I wrote these words down.
Youd think I oughtta be used to that by now.

The snow white paper hit the floor no sooner than it had reached Matts hands. Six words that seemed so simple suddenly became the world. I cant be with you anymore. What did he mean by cant? It was all so sudden for Matt; it was almost as if it wasnt happening. He felt as though he was looking in on someone elses life, this couldnt be happening to him. Dom would never leave himever.

Save for a few of those late night episodes,
Missed opportunities, and "I Don't Cares,"
There's not a lot that I feel obliged to share or talk about.

"I really dont have anything to say Matt, its just over. Theres no more us. Being with you held me back from so many things" Doms voice was hesitant over the phone, and Matt didnt like it. What had gotten into him? What was it that had changed him? He just couldnt comprehend what was happening. He and Dom had talked about everything, everything that they would be held back from in being together, and they both agreed that there was nothing in the world they wanted more than each other, no matter the setbacks. Sure, there had been a few late night arguments, but they had been so in love, that nothing could tear them apart, at least, that what Matt had thought.
He was torn from his thoughts when he heard Dom end the conversation.
"So just make sure your not at the flat, Matthew? Are you still there? I just wanted to let you know that, I will always love you. I will never stop loving you, ever." And with that, Matts heart had been completely torn in two. Tears spilled over his eyelids rapidly and refused to let up. Weak in the knees, he had to hold himself up on random house hold objects to get to the couch, where he immediately collapsed, choking on his own tears. He was sure his own wailing could be heard throughout the whole town, but he didnt care. He had thrown his life away to be with Dom. His fiancé, his home, and now quite obviously the band, were gone forever.

I'll have my brother stop by this Saturday to pick up my things,
Just make sure you're not there.
This may sound bad, and don't take it the wrong way
I love you, however,
you hold me down.


A day had gone by, but the tears had not yet escaped Matts eyes. He felt as if some one had taken out his heart and replaced it with a ten pound weight. There were millions upon millions of un-answered questions floating around him and he had no idea where to start. Before he could begin to sort through them he heard the creak of the flat door being opened. Matt quickly wiped the salty liquid from his eyes and tried to fix his composure as he strode into the kitchen to see who had intruded.

"Oh, youre home." Matt heard Doms voice before his eyes could focus on the figure standing before him.
"Well, Im just here to collect a few of my things and then Ill be out of your way." Dom bustled about the house, placing random objects into a large bag he had brought with him.
"You know youre not in the way Dom." Matthew stood, leaning against the door frame of the room that was once considered theirs, with his arms crossed. Dom didnt look at him as he spoke, trying to avoid the confrontation about their relationship that was clearly already happening.

"Just answer me one question Dom, why so sudden? Everything was going fine, or at least I thought it was."

"Matt, I really dont want-"

"Just answer the question." Matt spoke with a domineering tone that surprised Dom.

"I-I dont really know. I have just been thinking way too much lately, and well, I need some time off, you know, to sort out my thoughts."

"Well way didnt you just say that? Instead of making me think it was over forever? What were you thinking? Id be happy to give you some time off Dom, just ask me! I thought we were supposed to be open with each other about things Dom...everything was going so well that I..oh...never mind." Matt spoke with increasing intensity, gesturing wildly with his arms and hands, but then stopped his rant abruptly.

"Look, it was going fine, but I just want-"

"I was going to propose." Dom stopped in shock of Matts words, thinking he heard them incorrectly.

"What?"

"I was going to propose to you Dominic, yesterday, but...you left." Matt lowered himself slowly into the chair that accompanied the desk next to him. He looked down, avoiding eye contact for fear of what he might see in Doms face.

"I am so sorry Matt." Dom stood up and made his way to the sullen man in the corner.

"I am so sorry." Dom repeated, making Matt stand up so he could bring him into a comforting hug. Matt sobbed into his lovers shoulder, tired of being heart broken and confused. Dom whispered his apologies over and over into Matts ear as he hugged him closer.

"I love you Matthew, youre everything to me. I dont want to hurt you, thats why I need this break, I need to make sure I know what Im doing, other wise it could be torture for both of us. Dont you understand that?"

"Im not an idiot, Dom." Matt pulled away bitterly and left the room.

"Ill call Chris and tell him to cancel dinner." Matt gingerly picked up the phone as he watched Dom start to fill his bag once more.

Matt kept a flat tone whilst speaking to Chris, trying not to let on that anything was wrong, but much to his surprise, Chris already knew.

"Im really sorry mate; hopefully everything will get worked out soon. Hell be fine here, you know that." Matthew finished the conversation as Dom made his way to the door to leave.

"So youre staying with Chris?"

"Yeah"

"Thats good, that you have a plan I mean..." Matt looked at his shoes, another set of tears welling up in his eyes.

"Matthew, I love you, and Ill be home soon, I promise." Dom stepped forward and tilted Matts chin up to leave him with a soft, lingering kiss. By the time Matt opened his eyes Dom was gone.

Cancel our dinner with Max and Coraline,
feed Jacky's gerbil and try to stay clean.
We'll talk it over after I've had some time alone to sort it out.
You hold me down.


For the next week and a half Matt had completely let himself go, he hadnt showered, he had hardly eaten anything, and the flat looked as if a storm had blown through. All he could do was sit at his piano and play, he played all day and all night until the neighbors complained, and then he would play more.
He didnt know what day it was, and he didnt really care, it was all the same to him now. Without Dom there as no order in his life, no meaning, nothing left for him to do. His fingers banged out morbid minor keyed chords, moving fast over the smooth cool ivory. Matt was desperately trying to play over the sound of Doms voice in his head, but he was unsuccessful. Constantly he heard the last words Dom had spoken to him, Matthew, I love you, and Ill be home soon, I promise. The taste of his kiss still covered Matts lips, Doms scent still pungent under his nose. He played louder still, blocking out the sound of Doms footsteps making their way away from the flat, away from him. The skin beneath his eyes felt tight and try from the constant salty tears that flowed down like a waterfall.
Finally, Matt stopped playing, if only for a moment. The orange pink hue that painted the sky burned into his eyes. His heart started beating rapidly, he could have sworn, over all the noise of the street below, he heard once more the creak of the flat door being opened. Matt jumped up from his piano bench and nearly flew over all the clutter that had been collected in the various rooms. He entered the kitchen, a bright smile on his face for the first time in weeks, breathing heavily. But the door way was empty, the light diminishing each second as the sun set, once again leaving Matthew alone with only his piano.

You're the echoes of my everything,
You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night.
You're the laziness of afternoon,
You're the reason why I burst and why I bloom.
You're the leaky sink of sentiment,
You're the failed attempts I never could forget.
You're the metaphors I can't create to comprehend this curse that I call love
How will I break the news to you?


End.

Comments are love! ^.^


-- Edited by VesperDomino007 at 19:28, 2007-07-14